“Dad, is Cameron Diaz hot?”

“Yes, Spenny, I guess she is.”

“…Helen is pretty hot, too, right?”

She always asks if I’m busy, I always tell her yes, and she always says “poor Helen”. It’s okay for me to be busy, woman, because I like it that way.

When my senior year of high school rolled around, I had run out of courses to take ². Having also played piano from the age of 5 (again, good Asian), they gave me a special provision to attend a second magnet school in the afternoon – one for the arts. In my life as a musician, I had always preferred playing with others to playing by myself, and being in an arts high school with plenty of other students that needed to play with a pianist suited me fantastically well. It wasn’t an easy year by any means ³, but it showed me something that turned out to be very, very important: making music made me feel positive emotions that I had thought were lost to me.

As a senior in the Math and Science Academy, we were required to complete a 100 hour research project or 140 hour mentorship and finish it off with a presentation in front of teachers and peers in a little lecture hall called the Schola. Mine was something about fractals and music – to be honest, I barely remember it at all, and most certainly did not approach 100 hours of work. What I do remember is that somebody asked the standard question “What have you learned from this project and how will you use it in the future?” My response was something to the effect of “I’ve learned that I am not made for research projects, and this has been a waste, because I am going to major in music.” The shock of the adults (including my father, although I wonder now if perhaps he was surprised to find out that I am just like him after all) and titillation of the mostly well-behaved magnet kids was, well, memorable.

So that’s what I did. I auditioned at a few in-state schools for music one crazy and tiring weekend and settled on VCU, who offered me a full-tuition scholarship in return for my very high SAT score, completely ignoring my relatively low GPA. I moved to Richmond at 17 and never moved back home because I knew I would never be able to heal if I did. I actually began as a double major in computer science and music, but dropped computer science after a semester, not having enjoyed it or the ogling of my almost-exclusively male classmates. I enjoyed the shit out of being a music major, forming incredibly strong friendships and meeting (and living with, oops) the man I eventually married ⁴. I played the piano and played it damn well, while absorbing all of the history and theory I could to make the best music possible.

I graduated from VCU a year early ⁵, not having been able to legally drink in college, and set off to Rochester to attend the prestigious Eastman School of Music for my master’s degree in accompanying/chamber music (collaborative piano), having never lost my preference for collaboration. Because I loved what I did and experienced as an undergrad, I knew I was making the right decision, but I didn’t know just how important it was until I was done and realized that I had become a very different person.

Majoring in music taught me things beyond just how to play the piano, and in fact, I’d say that playing the piano might actually have been the minority of my college education. It taught me to be a professional – after all, at Eastman we are expected to be musicians, not just music students. I was in charge of scheduling rehearsals, lessons, and other performances with my school-assigned musical partners (singers and instrumentalists alike). I learned to read people and their intentions – paramount for an accompanist, and very valuable in all other parts of life. I was challenged by my amazing professor, Dr. Jean Barr, to always ask myself why I shouldn’t be able to do something. She read me like a book and pushed me to self-motivate and just get things done. I conquered my habit of always playing loud and aggressively by reaching inside and evaluating why I was doing it. Once I realized that it was the product of years of built up rage and hurt, I began the process of letting it go and learned to express myself in a more controlled and beautiful manner, whether that meant on the piano or off. But, of course, I also learned when loud and aggressive were necessary.

Today, I feel pretty damn fortunate. I have an awesome full-time job as a WordPress developer, regular high-level performance opportunities, an incredible husband, and a functional relationship with most of my family. I’ve gone right back to the computer stuff I never did manage to get rid of completely, but the way I see it is that it gives me the opportunity to choose what I do as a musician instead of shilling for weddings and other things that aren’t really making music while also doing something that constantly challenges me and gives me something to learn. I work from home and take breaks to rehearse or practice when I need to. Even if a problem is driving me crazy or I’m irritated at somebody/something, I still feel satisfied at the end of the day, and I know I would never have gotten to this point if I hadn’t made the choice to pursue something that made me feel again ⁶.

In January of 2010, I purchased the Yamaha AvantGrand N3 as a replacement for my aging keyboard and to prepare myself for life outside of school. Now, almost two years later and a unbelievable amount of music later, I’m revisiting my thoughts.

I don’t regret this very substantial purchase at all whatsoever. Not even for a moment. I’m not much of an early adopter and was initially worried about things like maintenance and warranty for such a large piece of technology, but now that we’ve moved it from Virginia Beach to Rochester to Wichita, I feel pretty confident about its longevity and durability.

All of the pros I previously listed still apply, and essentially all of the cons. I haven’t had any problems with notes dropping out recently, so perhaps it was a temporary thing or I’ve subconsciously adjusted. The lack of an intuitive readable control panel is still probably the most annoying thing. The touch obviously cannot be exactly the same as an acoustic grand, but I do find that some nuances are impossible to pull off, especially things involving pedal. Beethoven-style sforzandos just don’t happen as I’d like them to and I can’t use the barely-there touch to create that special kind of soft sound. So, again, not a replacement for a real grand piano, but still a fantastic instrument and perfect for a set of needs.

I did discover that the AvantGrand actually does a little harmonic resonance, so doing something like holding down some keys silently and playing lower ones will leave a little sound behind, as though the strings of the silently depressed notes are vibrating. It’s not as audible as an actual piano, but it’s pretty neat that they bothered to put that in there. The things that most people still find the most immediately impressive are the tactile response and, oddly, that weirdly accurate harpsichord sound. Pianists are very impressed by the feel of the keys and half pedaling. Several people have been caught by surprise to find out that it is digital and not acoustic.

Here’s some of the other music I’ve learned since that last post, to give you an illustration of how productive it is to have my own piano at home, even after working on web stuff all day:

• Stockhausen – Kontra-punkte
• An entire last-minute solo piano recital that included the famous Liebestraum and the Minute Waltz
• A full concert of Oliver Knussen’s ensemble works, including the beastly (but incredible) Songs Without Voices
• Xenakis – Plekto
• Grieg Piano Concerto, first movement
• Debussy Cello Sonata
• Untold amounts of other new/contemporary music
• Relearned the Brahms Clarinet Trio and the Schumann-Liszt Widmung, along with a large pile of other stuff (especially clarinet, of course)

These days I’m working on Messiaen’s Quartet for the End of Time (for December), Rachmaninoff’s Cello Sonata (last two movements only for now, also for December), and a large chunk of the clarinet repertoire in preparation for Adrian’s inevitable re-interview and faculty recitals in the spring. I’ve had to say no to area accompanying because I am already working a little too much, but it’s more than enough to keep me busy.

So, if you’re thinking about the AvantGrand and it fits your needs, you should try one out if possible and get it!

P.S. If you look at the comments of my last post, the National Sales Director of Yamaha offered to send me an AvantGrand jacket and he really did. It’s way too big, but it’s still pretty awesome.

The following excerpts from descriptions are scarily accurate; it was hard not to just copy-paste them in their entirety.

• Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.
• Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead.
• Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords.
• Problem-solving is highly stimulating to Masterminds, who love responding to tangled systems that require careful sorting out.
• To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of “definiteness”, of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age.
• INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest.
• Anyone considered to be “slacking,” including superiors, will lose their respect — and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers.
• [INTJs] tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation.
• INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand.
• Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say “Why not?!”

From http://keirsey.com/4temps/mastermind.asp and http://typelogic.com/intj.html

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So what’s a Chinese-American daughter to do? Create an infographic, of course! My distillation of my mother’s order of preferences below. (And please God, I hope she doesn’t see this, because she might “be ashame.”) Oh, and disclaimer: I love my mom, but I didn’t grow up with her. My single Tiger Dad wasn’t so concerned with the race of my boyfriends so much as me having boyfriends at all.

Imgur: http://imgur.com/ATklA
Direct link: http://i.imgur.com/ATklA.png